He Heals the Broken-Hearted

I am hanging on to that scripture right now. My life depends on it. I don't know when my broken heart will be healed, but sometime it will be. The Word is Truth. I know I don't owe anyone an explanation about our life but writing is healing in a way. One week ago today when I was almost 28 weeks pregnant, I gave birth to my baby's lifeless body. He had been gone for awhile and he never developed past 18 weeks, but his little heart held on a little longer than that. We found out at around 25/26 weeks that there was no heartbeat, so we don't know when his little heart actually stopped. We prayerfully decided to wait it out and let things happen naturally. It wasn't an easy process or a decision we took lightly, but it was the right decision for us. There was a lot of grieving as I tried to prepare myself mentally of what everything might look like and wondering if baby was a boy or a girl. We had a few names picked out for both genders and so we talked and prayed about what names we were going to use. We let a few close friends know, a couple family members and a couple of "acquaintances". There's so many personal details that will be left out for now because the depth of the hurt and heartache can't even be described through words typed out on a computer but they are real and relevant and can't be forgotten. Right now life doesn't seem real but reality hits hard daily. Life still goes on and it doesn't slow down just because of tragedy and loss. 

July 31st, 2021 at 8:19 am our precious son Levi Mateo was born weighing less than half a pound. He was a teeny 7.6 ounces (216 grams). My husband is my rock and was by my side for every contraction, every pain, and every push, each tear that poured down my face, and he was there for each word when I cried out in sorrow. Labor was hard. It was mild for almost a week as my body prepared and then 6 hard hours at the very end. As tiny as he was, it was my hardest labor physically, mentally, and spiritually. My close friend was also here. She flew in from Nevada to be here with us so we wouldn't have to go through the grieving process alone. I thank Yahweh for her and her family and the sacrifices they made for us, in order for her to be here. There aren't enough words to express how much it meant to us to have that support. John 15:12-13 This is my command, that you love one another, as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this: that one should lay down his life for his friends. When you go through real life trials, you find out very quickly who is with you for the long haul and who is only there for the easy stuff as long as it benefits them. True character and integrity, or lack there of is forced out in the open. In the end, Yah was faithful and although as tragic as it is that my son is gone, we saw miracles and we saw HIS hand at work in this whole process. Levi's life is a beautiful testimony. His life is not something to be forgotten. His life was not an inconvenience or a liability. I don't know why his life had to be so short but I do know his life was created by the hand of Yah Himself and his death will not be in vain. Levi means "joined in harmony" and Mateo means "gift from Yah". While some come to divide, my son came to join us together even stronger and HE is a gift. Rest easy my sweet boy. I long to hold you every day, but that will have to wait, until we meet again. Mommy and daddy love you precious one.


Psalm 147:3 He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.

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His little feet print, smaller than my thumb.

A gift from a sweet friend. Wild flower seeds, it means a lot because my friend didn't know that Hector said he wanted to plant a wild flower garden, and a couple days later we got these in the mail.

Another gift and reminder how good our Abba is.